


No Day But Today

by Thuri



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-04
Updated: 2006-03-04
Packaged: 2017-10-22 05:06:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/234131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thuri/pseuds/Thuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How one X-wing pilot handles everything his lover has been through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Day But Today

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place the night after The Empire Strikes Back ends. And thanks to kelbebop for a wonderful beta.

“Lay down  
Lay down your guns  
All ya daughters of Zion  
All ya Abraham sons”  
from “Love and Peace or Else” How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb by U2

 

I turn to watch you in sleep, wanting to reach over and smooth the creases by your eyes, soothe the lines of pain around your mouth. Comfort you, as I so often have in the years we’ve been together. And—for the first time—I’m afraid to do it. Afraid of what you’ve been through, without me. Afraid of whatever unspoken horror took your hand. The bio construct the meddroid installed lies innocently between us, but I remember the uneven force of it, the look on your face when you first touched me.

“It’s different, Wedge. I can feel things, but they seem wrong…” And then you turned away from me, blue eyes so haunted. “Everything seems wrong.”

All the words of anger, of recrimination, died on my lips. I’d spent months agonizing over your loss, wondering how the best of the Rogues could’ve just not made it to the rendezvous. I was so certain you’d been captured, killed, tortured…It never occurred to me you’d deserted. Oh, I knew full well what your Jedi training meant to you, how could I not? But to think you’d just leave us… Still. I had heard your dreams as they happened, listened to you cry out for Ben.

I’d even been jealous, at first. That another man was so often on your mind. Until you explained to me that “Ben” was General Obi Wan Kenobi. That you’d known him, that he’d been your teacher. And that was where you’d learned to move things without touching them, even if you weren’t always that good at it. Still impressed the fuck out of me.

But then, you always did. Callow farmboy, and you could fly rings around the rest of us. Even me. I’d gotten used to being the young hotshot, but with you around…I was happy to be second place. To bask in that glow. And when you’d come to me, after we lost Biggs…Well. I hadn’t expected to comfort the Hero of Yavin, but I certainly wasn’t going to argue. Wasn’t going to argue, either, when suddenly your lips were on mine, your hand was in my flight suit. Unexpected as hell. But completely welcomed.

Damned if we weren’t fucking great wingmates, too. Jedi flight tricks or not, we always seemed to know what the other was thinking, move in concert…No TIE was safe if we were in the dogfight together. I watched your back, you watched mine, and then we fucked in relief and the rush of surviving afterwards.

I stroke your hair softly, as you stir in sleep again. You quiet, and I remember how once you’d been so blonde, bleached by the harsh sun of that desert world you’d called home. Not now. Now, your hair’s gone dark, your skin pale. Wherever you’ve been, since Hoth, it wasn’t a sunny world.

You’ve changed in other ways, too. Muscles that had only shown hints beneath your skin before are now taut and obvious, sliding smoothly against each other. You’ve been working out, and hard. Once, I would’ve teased you about fitting in the cockpit. Now I only hope it was worth it. You told me only that you’d been in training, and couldn’t say where. And that you’d have to go back.

How long will I have you, this time? I know you have to rescue Solo. And I know you’ve lost more than your hand. There’s an innocence—not naivety, you were never naïve, even when you were green—somehow missing from your eyes, your voice. You’ve seen something that’s come damned near close to breaking you.

And you won’t tell me what.

You’ve told me everything, in the dark nights when we’ve stuffed ourselves into a single berth, huddled for warmth and comfort on some forsaken planet or another, hiding from the Empire. I know about your aunt and uncle, that you found their bodies. I know you watched Ben die. I know about the time you were seven, and Biggs scared you both so much with tales of the Sand People that two of you got in trouble for setting traps in your bedroom. I know you had a nightlight until you were six. I even know you let Solo think you had the hots for Senator Organa, when it was the smuggler himself you wanted. Until you met me.

Now? I know you’re in pain. I know you’re aching, bursting with more emotions than I can name.

But I’m damned if I know why.

*****

You’re watching me. I can feel those brown eyes, picture your furrowed brow, worried stare. Usually you at least pretend to sleep, when you’re worried, but not tonight. Tonight, I lay feigning sleep, and you watch.

I want to tell you. Want to whisper the poison in my veins aloud, let you draw it off, heal it. But I can’t. How can I tell you what I’ve learned? What I’ve done? Put my friends in danger, possibly condemned Han to death. Lost my hand, skipped out on my training…you already think me a deserter. And I suppose I am. Funny how that never even came to mind, when I headed off to study with Yoda. That I was leaving the Alliance, leaving my command. I knew it would be in your hands. Knew you would shepherd our squadron on, at least as well as I could have. You’re more a leader than I’ve ever been. More a soldier, too.

I knew I was leaving you, and I didn’t want to. But I had to do as Ben said, give us a chance. As long as they have Vader, have the Emperor, we need someone on our side that has the Force on his. I can’t help it if I’m the only one who’s turned up. All I could see to do was get myself training, make myself ready, confront Vader and defeat him.

The false fingers of my new right hand twitch, and I shudder, thinking of how that turned out. I’d half expected to face him and discover he wanted me for his Emperor. But to face him and discover he’s my _father_ … How was I supposed to anticipate that? Does Yoda know? How could he not? How could he not tell me? Had Ben known? He told me Vader murdered my father…

The thoughts whirl through me, as I lie there, still as possible. And still, you’re watching me. I told you I’d have to leave again, and you’d just nodded. I think I would’ve preferred it if you’d screamed, been upset, let go of any of that tension I’d sensed in you when you’d first come in the room. But one look at me, and it had all drained out of you. And then I was in your arms, and things were—almost—normal. But your skin, your flightsuit felt wrong against the new hand, and my new knowledge had placed a barrier between us that I couldn’t think how to breach.

Even now, I lie wakeful, wanting to reach out to you, and unable to.

*****

“Luke?” I murmur your name at last, tired of sitting there, waiting for you to gather courage to talk to me. If that’s what you’re doing, of course. If you’re not just hoping I’ll go to sleep…

“Yes, Wedge?” your voice is heavy, dark, not itself.

I kiss you in answer, knowing words will do us no good. But this language, of touch and comfort, this language I’ve always spoken better in, you’ve always understood. And even now, you start to melt beneath me, return the soft caresses of my tongue. “I missed you,” I whisper, kissing you again. “Can I show you how much?”

You hesitate, and I’m terribly afraid you’re going to refuse me. You never have, before, but…you’ve never lain silent and unwilling to talk to me before, either. Finally, though, you melt into my touch, kissing back, nodding slowly. “Yes. Yes, Wedge, please…I want to feel you.”

I smile in the darkness of the room, and kiss you again, moving over you now. “Feel only me,” I murmur, hands finding the tie of your robe and undoing it, slipping under to caress soft skin, hard muscle. You moan, just softly, and start to fall back under my touch, letting yourself go. You always do, with me. Hadn’t expected that, either, even if you are younger than I. Hadn’t expected you to let me take the lead, take you. But you do, more often than not, and right now it seems right. Right now, all I want is to take care of you.

In every way.

So my lips descend from your mouth to your neck, in soft, sucking bites, even as I roll my hips against yours, make a place for myself between your legs. You don’t resist, moving them apart and drawing your feet up, so I’m cradled between your thighs. A sigh leaves you, one of contentment and growing arousal and I can’t help but be glad that I’m distracting you from whatever dark thoughts had plagued you.

My lips travel lower, smearing against your skin, licking the taste of salt, nipping lightly to hear you gasp. You always did like teeth. I smooth my fingers over your nipples at the same time, feeling the small nubs harden as you shiver against me. Yes, this is what I’d missed, your body so alive and responsive against my touch…

You raise your hands over your head, though I’ve not bound you—not this time—and I smile dangerously when I raise my head for a moment, before sliding further down, licking and biting the nipples my hands had touched so recently. I can feel your arousal hard against my belly as I move and it gives me a moment’s relief that, in this at least, I still know you. You haven’t changed.

My hands tug at your loose breeches, slipping them down over your hips as my mouth continues to tease you, spreading bites and soothing them again across as much of you skin as I can reach. You arch your back to help me, and I get up only long enough to rid you of the trous, settling back quite happily, one hand on your cock. I regret that it’s too dark for me to see it easily, but the feel is quite enough for the moment. You gasp and shudder as I stroke you, and I harden further myself, wondering if I can contain this to the simple blow-job I’d planned. You’ve been wounded, I don’t want to tax you, but…Fuck, it’s hard to resist.

I lick down across your abs—suddenly so much more defined and hard under my tongue than ever before—my hand never letting up. “Wedge, please…” and you so rarely beg, that I smile and give you what you’re asking for, my mouth engulfing you, licking up what’s leaked from your cock already, before moving lower, taking your familiar length in even as my hand drops lower, hefts your balls, rolling them back and forth.

You groan and sigh, letting out a half strangled, “Yes…” and I feel myself swell further. With arousal, and with happiness that I’m doing this for you, taking you from your darkness. My hand drops lower, finding that spot behind your balls to press into, even as I raise my head a bit, playing with your foreskin, then licking the swollen head, to feel you twitch and groan. I drop down again when your hips twitch, encouraging you to move. You know I can take it, and I want you to let go of yourself.

You resist a bit, at first, as you always do, but once my finger finds your hole, presses in slightly, you give up all pretense and fuck my mouth. And fuck, yes, this is what I’ve been longing for, tasting you, feeling you, knowing you’re safe and alive in my bed, at least until the next mission. You’re gasping, panting, calling my name, telling me how good, how beautiful I am, and as always I’m glad I’m busy, or I’d be blushing and teasing you about sounding like a girl. But I love how honest you are, how open, and never more than in moments like this.

Your climax takes you by surprise, though I was expecting it, and I swallow your release happily, having missed the taste on my tongue. You shudder long after, as I clean you with my tongue, lapping up every bit before releasing you. “So good, Wedge,” I hear you murmur, finally, as I crawl up the bed to take you in my arms. “Missed you, too, so much…I’m sorry I left you, sorry I couldn’t tell you before…”

“Shh, Luke, it’s all right. I know. I love you.” And my words are true, I find to my surprise. It is all right. There’ll be fallout from this, more to deal with in the days and months to come, but for now? For now, I’m happy to be holding you, your taste in my mouth, and now in yours as I kiss you deeply.

For the next laser blast might take you away from me. A pilot learns quickly to live for today, and today, tonight, you’re here. Until this war is over, I can ask no more.


End file.
